...and no, you don't need to part with those gold bricks you stashed under your bed. You don't even need to break your piggy bank. All you need to do is decide which one of your organs you can let me harvest, your liver or your kidney...I'M KIDDING! 

You don't need to do even that. I swear.

Here is how this works. 

Thanks to a question from one of you beloved hamsters who watched my very first Facebook LIVE VIDEO on how I got from making $3.40 per hour to $300 per hour in 10 months as a full-time writer, I finally got motivated to write out the rates for my marketing/selling/brain-transplanting sessions on how to sell your art/books/mismatched socks and to make money (later I'll put these up here on my site, finally, together with your testimonials and pictures of you being quartered then skinned and boiled in a ginormous pot of borscht and...FOOLED YA!).

Ahem, back to business.

3 OPTIONS FOR MY 1-HOUR SESSION + 1 SPECIAL DEAL*

1. MAGIC SKILLS: your hours for my hour ($400/hour)

Got crickets in your bank account (NOT FOR LONG!!!) and can’t give me your kidney? No problem. Give me millions of hours of your magic skills or whatever amount of hours you think is fair based on your awesome hour value, and when you’re done, you get a 1-hour-session with me where I extract my brain and put it into your skull. Gently.

2. CASH IN SOCKS: $60 per month for 6 months ($360/hour)

Pay day is eons away? Don’t fret. Send me crisp dollar bills rolled up in a sock every month for 6 months, and you’ve got your 1-hour-session as soon as I get the first sock (check or PayPal work too). I trust you with the rest.

3. BAG OF GOLD: $300 for 1-hour session ($300/hour)

I’m honored you’re willing to dip into that treasure chest you dug up in your backyard. Your gold will book your slot on my schedule and give you direct access to me to ask a million questions (even in my dreams) and to a very secret Facebook group of folks who have already parted with their gold and are reaping the benefits.

*SPECIAL DEAL: Monthly retainer ($200-250/hour) 

Imagine, some folks enjoy my wisdom via a monthly retainer, for weekly 1-hour sessions, and that gets them lovely discounts (because they give me so many diamonds upfront) and other lovely benefits, so tell me what you have in mind. I’m all ears.

There you have it. Now think about the amount of money you lose by NOT investing in your future Empire with you as the Empress or the Emperor of it, bestowing your art to your faithful minions and gathering mountains and mountains of gold and dancing naked on top and...well, living the life of your creative dreams (maybe you dream of having a hundred dozen hedgehogs for pets, or flamingoes, or rose bushes that eat people...).

Which one would work best for you?

I dare you to email me RIGHT NOW.

P.S.: When we work together, I will help you develop your own rate sheet like the one above, the one that fits your brand. Cool, right?

P.P.S: If you swear on the blood of your ancestors you watched the whole LIVE VIDEO (all 1.5 hours of it) and are ready to skyrocket your art/book/whatever sales, email me, and I'll send you the notes for the 1st session.

P.P.P.S.: The next post will be called The Art of Selling Art, because I've been nominated for a TED talk about it, and now I have to scramble and actually put it together. Shhhh, don't tell anyone, in case they reach out.

P.P.P.P.S.: Because for the fun of it. And because I love you. And because you deserve to get paid for your art.