Welcome to 2015.

You just woke up. You're feeling the sodden pounding headache from consuming too much champagne the night before. You're scratching your head. What day is it? January 1st of the new fucking year. What is it that you have promised everyone willing to listen? You will lose those stubborn extra 5 pounds? You will sign up at a local volunteer organization and, with a bounding heart, will help them take down lost armadillos from the blooming pine trees in the neighborhood? You will spend less time lolloping online and more time playing cricket with your distant relatives? Get a better education? Better job? Pay off your debt? Oh, wait. I know.

YOU WILL DRINK LESS ALCOHOL AND SMOKE LESS WEED??

Nope.