I've been asked a lot lately by various folks in various online places for advice on how to start writing a novel, how to write a novel, how to finish the beast once you started. Some people told me that they referred beginning writers to my blog, so this post is for you, for those of you who always wanted to write a novel but never got around to it, or maybe were afraid, or maybe didn't have time, or for some other reason couldn't. I will attempt to summarize my writing process into one blog post, so in a sense you will be reading a sort of a satirical piece on how writing works, because of course it's impossible to cram into one single post the entire book writing process, but I will make it fun and, with luck, it will bring down those barriers that gird your mind and prevent you from getting started. I can guarantee you one thing though. If you have 1 hour free right now, like, RIGHT NOW, and if you get out your pen and paper or your laptop or whatever your preferred writing tools are (perishable papyrus, anyone?) and you do everything I tell you to do here, you will start writing your book this very minute. Got it? Great. Ready? Here we go.